For My Brother’s 30th…

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The first movie I remember watching with my brother is “Space Jam.” He had friends over in the basement of Ruth’s house and they watched it as I snuck in and laid on the floor watching the movie with him and his friends. They laughed at everything—most of the things I didn’t understand, so I laughed along with them wanting to belong. Feeling like I was part of my brother’s world that I only got occasional glimpses of growing up.

I asked everyone I met that was the same age as him if they knew Scoot. And when they did, I got a look of surprise and respect because everyone who knew him, liked him. And that made me feel instantly cool because nothing was cooler than being Scoot’s little sister. There are a lot of things that I did growing up because of Scoot. I took French because he took French. I played sports because he played sports—specifically basketball because he loved it and I wanted to love it too. I fell in love with Dashboard Confessional, put scrambled eggs on toast with jelly, and practiced front flips on a trampoline (and failed miserably) because he liked those things and I wanted him to like me.

We didn’t and still don’t have the most conventional brother/sister relationship. Growing up apart from one another can do that to anyone. A lot of the time, sad to say, I think we forgot about each other when we weren’t pushed together at Christmas or birthdays. As an adult, I look at my friends relationships with their siblings and realize how much we missed out. How much we still don’t know about each other. How I don’t know the things he’s allergic to. What his favorite song is anymore. I never teased him about his first kiss. Or had the opportunity to be the annoying sister who switched his shampoo for hair remover and took his car without asking (that’s what annoying little sisters do, right?).

Throughout the years we’ve gotten to know each other better. Finding out stupid shit to create a relationship we never had in the past. While we don’t talk like other siblings do—hell, we haven’t seen each other in years—we’re still trying to figure out this whole brother/sister act. Trying to figure out how to fit in one another’s lives. While most siblings are constantly communicating, we’ve never quite figured out how to consistently stay in touch. But, as soon as I text or he texts me, we always immediately text back, even if it’s a simple “hey.” We really try, which is more than I can hope for. ❤️

Now, he’s turning 30. It’s a new chapter. A new story. It’s the next step in his life. For both of us, we’re still trying to figure all this out. Life, family, love, relationships. For him, school and work. For me, what the hell I’m doing next. Life keeps slipping by and I’ve decided that this year, I’m going to be a good sister. I’m going to be communicative and talk to my big brother about things. About life, love, relationships, all the crazy shit in-between. We’re not the conventional brother/sister duo; he may be my half brother but I whole love him.

Happy birthday, Scoot. Love you lots. See you sometime this year because it’s been way too long since I’ve seen my stupid big brother.

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