I apologize for this letter being a little late this month. There has just been a lot going on and I feel like I needed to collect my thoughts before writing them all down.
August, I didn’t like you this year. You really tested me and not in a good way. Maybe one day I’ll look back on this month in fondness, but right now, today, I can’t wait to put as much distance between us as possible. I lost sentimental belongings. I became more anxious. I stopped going out as much. I had something to complain about every day, and I stopped looking hard for the good in life.
I don’t know what to say about you, August. You hurt me. You made me question a lot of things that have happened so far in my life. Made me second guess every decision I have been making while staring along my Facebook news feed and wondering if I should be playing catch up with the families and weddings that keep appearing there.
You made me feel unsupported and lost and that’s the worst feeling to carry around with you. August, you made me fear little things in the world, things that I used to love doing and now I wonder if I’ll ever get over it at all. I wonder if I’ll ever feel comfortable driving again instead of digging my nails into my forearm and driving 35 on the highway when there is traffic. Dear August, you made me feel stupid and unsure of myself during your 31 days and I hope that feeling goes away. Soon. I need it to.
I know that things will get better and I need to start looking at the bright side of thing, but August, you made it really hard for me. You flipped me upside down and unable to find my footing. Maybe September will bring me a new path of footsteps.