Mid-Year Self-Reflection: 2014

Inspired by Emily of emilieofnewgloom

Self Reflection 2014

I hate being late, but I guess I’m just on time because I was inspired, and when you’re inspired you’re never late.

Is that right? Probably not.

Let’s see.

First and foremost, I’m a daughter to Sheila. My momma bear. My rock. The lady I took to the airport at 4am this morning, so she can go to Mexico while I stay here in Missouri. She is the bravest and strongest woman I know, and if I grow up to be halfway like her, I’ll be happy.

I’m a like-daughter to many people, but most specifically to Roxann, who keeps me both sane and insane.

I’m a granddaughter to 8 separate people. 5 of which seem to actually care, and pretty soon that number will drop down one as my papa is slowly losing his battle with Parkinson’s.

I’m a sister to three people. Only one being blood related. My half-brother, Scott, who I whole love, is the chef of the family. The major dreamer who aspires for greatness and who, I believe, will achieve it one day. My like-brother, Drew, who is both a giant and a teddy bear, is a lovable spirit who can put a smile on anyone’s face. And, Maddi, the baker, the girl with her head screwed on straight, the go-getter, is the one of the hardest working individuals I know.

I’m a friend to many. Lots of friendships long distance. Separated by states and oceans. Communications happen through Skype, FaceTime, text messages, emails, Facebook, letters and laughter.

I’m a student. My last year. This is it and then off into “the real world” as they say. I want to do so many different things. I want to just write and travel the world and see things I’ve never seen before. I want to scuba dive, even though I can’t swim. I want to sky-dive and bungee jump in the most obscure places. I want to drink beer with locals and struggle with the language. I want to eat weird foods, dance at a rave, laugh until I cry, cry until I laugh, stay at a disgusting hostel and couchsurf with locals.
I’m a lover of cats and have two. Beamer is ageing quite rapidly lately and I fear his life is coming to an end. I’m afraid Lux with be lonely, and I’m contemplating adopting another.

I’m 22. Yes, like the Taylor Swift song that always gets sung to me when I mention my age. There is 24 days until my half birthday, which I love a lot more than my actual birthday.

I drink three cups of coffee a day because four seems to make my body shake uncontrollably. I eat ice cream too much and vegetables too little. And I hope that the amount of water I consume counter acts the garbage I put in my body on a day to day basis.

I wish I worked out. I wish I looked like a supermodel and had shiny, long beautiful legs that were tan. I wish I had blonde hair and looked like Blake Lively. I wish that I had toned arms and bold eyebrows. But, I have brown hair and small eyebrows. I have mom arms and I’m pale. Iridescent, people have called me. Alabaster, when they’re being nice.

I get overheated quickly and learned this year that I am lactose intolerant, which is a horrific thing to learn when all you do is consume ice cream. I found four new patches of dry skin on various parts of my body and think my eczema is back. I don’t want to go to the dermatologist to find out.

I wear four main things on my face when I’m having a good skin day:
1. MAC BB Cream
2. Eyeko liquid eyeliner
3. MAC Haute & Naughty mascara
4. Anastasia eyebrow pencil

Usually, though, I’m having a bad skin day and resort to making sure I’m covered with primer, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, blush, concealer, foundation, eyebrow pencil, highlight, and powder. If my eyebrows aren’t done, then I don’t feel pretty. At all.

I check my email constantly, always opening the emails from travel websites looking at the new deals, hoping that I can go somewhere far away soon. I like to think that I was born an American, but have an English soul. Living in London was the greatest experience of my life, and I know I belong there. I can feel it in my bones. I live my life through fashion blogs, beautiful filters on Instagram, YouTube and wishing I was someone else. Someone more interesting. Someone with a life.

My favorite clothes come mainly from Topshop and ASOS. My favorite jeans from Urban Outfitters. My favorite boots from Frye. My favorite sandals are my Birkenstocks. I’m a cliché. I’m a consumer. I’m that person that buys what people tell me is fashion because it’s the latest trend.

I’m intent on being fluent in French and have started practicing every day. I want to know as many languages as I can. I love words. I love knowing how languages pull together and fall apart. I want to have a large vocabulary and impress people with my words, but I don’t. I don’t think I ever will. I’m very timid and fearful and embarrassed.

But in this mid-year self-reflection, I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve learned that people rely on me and in return, I rely on them. I’m confused on my stance in the world and where I belong, but I know that I’ll find my place one day. Somehow, someway. I have great friends, a great family, and for now, I’m happy with the way things are going.

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