Every so often I will get into bouts of what I term “quarter life crisis.” I feel like I haven’t reached my potential or I’m not doing enough or I haven’t achieved what others around me have already achieved. As I go through Facebook and silently creep on the people I once knew so well back in high school, I see them buying houses and getting engaged and I wonder if that’s what I’m supposed to be doing too? Am I supposed to have been dating someone for a long time and expecting that “magical” question to be popped?
Sometimes I spiral into guilt and shame for not being the person that I think society expects people to be. Expects the American dream to be. Go to school, graduate, date a nice boy, get married, have 2.5 kids, picket fence, white house, yada, yada. Half of my Facebook, Instagram and Twitter feeds are clogged with these exclamations of excitement: “He just proposed!” “I just graduated” “We’re expecting!” and I revert back to being that high school girl who isn’t ready for this next step. Who isn’t ready for the future, and I get very anxious that I’m “falling behind.”
During these times I have to remind myself that I have done a lot. I have done more than I expected to do at my age. I graduated high school. I have traveled abroad three times in the past four years. I lived in London (my dream city) last fall. I finished an Editorial Internship with ALIVE magazine and went to fashion shows. I will be graduating next spring (it’s okay! A lot of people take 5 years to get through college, calm down!) I have great friends who live all around the world. I have a great mom. A job.
Yeah, sometimes life can get hard or I get stressed out because I don’t take enough time out of my day to appreciate the things around me. Yeah, I still suffer from anxiety, but I’m working on it. Slowly. (Panic attacks are few and far between) Yeah, I just found out that I have a lactose issue and have to cut out dairy from my diet (waaaahhhh). But, these are all things that can be overcome.
I’m not falling behind. I’m 22 and already freaking out that I’m letting my life slip away, but it’s hard to not feel that way when I graduate in a year, and I’m still figuring out what I want to do. How I can incorporate writing and travel and fashion and music into my job. How I can pay someone to let me blog for the rest of my life and work on my book and just be happy seeing new places and cultures.
Anyone want to fund my Kickstarter?